Tears in Heaven
by Old Man Panda
Summary: Bengal Tiger must face his greatest challange, himself,


Hi everyone I'm Panda-kun. This was my first attempt at fan fiction. Normal Legal stuff: "Tears in Heaven" of course, belong to the brilliant Eric Clapton. "Alcohol" belongs to Barenaked Ladies. All Marvel characters of course belong to Marvel. Veronica Merrill belongs to Kender, thanks for letting me use her. Bengal Tiger is copyright 1992 Broadsword Comics, used with permission. I am making zero cents off of this so please don't sue. This takes place six months after Excalibur #50. Comments are welcome. I really would like to know what all of you think of this. If you want more information on Bengal Tiger go to Kender's wonderful web page at http://members.tripod.com/KenderChan/pandaindex.html This is the second in my Bengal Tiger chronicles. The order to read these are Slumber Party, Tears in Heave, Torn, Holidays, Come on Down, Keep Away From Extreme Cold, Staring Contest, and Faith, Heart, and Skill. Now on with the story. I would rate this at P-13 for language. 

Tears in Heaven Panda-kun 

I must be strong and carry on Because I know I don't belong Here in Heaven Eric Clapton: "Tears in Heaven" 

John Smith walked along the road back to Braddock Manner. This night had been like most, lately. It was amazing how much liquor his mutant metabolism could hold. He had drunk a couple of fifths of whisky and three shots of Jaggermeister; Kurt's influence, as it was. All he felt was a slight buzz. 

He was pretty sure no one knew what he was doing during his little excursions; he hid his late night "travels" fairly well. He could see the big house coming up over the hill. It was strange, not living in the lighthouse. The random insane happenings had made life interesting, to say the least. 

This house seemed old, dead. As dead as his family. Shit, he had almost gone a full day without thinking of them. Images came unbidden into his mind at that moment. His memory, his mutant blessing and curse, caused him to never forget that image. His mother, cold and still, the last of her blood dripping down her fingers. Realizing he was standing in between his father. It was moments like this he hated his mutant powers. They weren't even that special. He was strong; Piotr was stronger. He was quick; Kurt was quicker. He was smart; Kitty seemed to do more with her intelligence. Among his fellow members of the "School for Gifted Youngsters", he had been average. 

Where had his "gifts" gotten him? He had joined the X-Men at 13 1/2, only a month before Kitty. He had seen death quickly. He had stowed away with the X-men on the Blue Area of the Moon to fight for Jean Grey's life. He watched her kill herself. And in time, he grew to love his fellow X-men like family. When the New Mutants were formed, he and Kitty finally had other friends their own age. Doug, Kitty and he had been the hacking team supreme. 

Then came the massacre in the tunnels. 

He still had nightmares about that. During the fight, one of Scalphunter's bullets had grazed John's spine. He was confined to a wheelchair for months. He had just recovered when he and Kitty watched the X-men die in Dallas. He, Kurt, and Kitty mourned their family, and eventually, they found a new family in Excalibur. 

When Megan and Rachel took off and Brian was taken to stand trial, John decided to go home to see his real family. He arrived to what seemed like an empty house. He used his key and entered, figuring they would be home soon. However, upon entering, John's enhanced smell instantly caught the scent of death. Calling his sword to him, he entered into the living room to find it covered in the blood of his family. One scent that should not have been there rushed into John's awareness. The scent of the man who must have killed his family: Sabertooth. 

After the funeral there had been too many things happening to be able to deal with their deaths. It wasn't until they settled into Braddock Manor that the pain began to hit him. After an especially vivid nightmare, John found the old liquor cabinet. He decided it might help him relax; after all, it seemed to work for Logan. 

It did. Gradually, he began to drink more and more. Eventually he had to get his drinks elsewhere. No problem; it's amazing what a lot of money will do. 

Later, John would realized just how much the liquor had messed his senses up. At the time, he could not tell that anything was different at the manor. He slid his key into the lock and gently turned, in case anyone was awake. 

Upon entering the main room, his senses finally told him something was up. There were scents here that he hadn't encountered in a long time. They were the scents of friends as dear to him as his lost family. He followed them into the study. 

"Hi, everyone, long time no..." The words died as he caught the expressions on his friend's faces. 

"What's going on? Who died?" 

It was Kitty, her voice almost a whisper, who broke the uneasy silence. 

"John, you have a problem." A sigh escaped her lips. "There. I finally said it. John...we're here to help you." 

"What are you talking about, Kat? I'm fine; never been better." 

"No, John, you're not fine. Trust me, lad, I should know," Brian said as he moved toward John. 

Confusion and a bit of hostility began to creep into John's voice. "Really, what are you two talking about? Why is everyone here?" 

"John I brought the people who care about you together to help you confront your problem. Your drinking problem." Kitty said. 

"Drinking problem? What the Hell are you talking about, Kat? I don't drink." John almost yelled. 

Then a rough voice came from behind John. "If that's so, why can I smell the whisky on your breath from here? Crown Royal, good brand." 

"Who asked you old man!? Who asked you!?" This time, he did yell. 

"John if you do not have a problem, why do you react so strongly to Logan's statement?" Ororo calmly asked as she moved into the rough circle forming around John. 

"Because 'Roro, the first time I get to see all of you since you 'died', you show up and accuse me of being a drunk! Excuse me if that doesn't put me in the best of moods," John shot back. 

"Listen, Sweetpea, we're your family. And we're here to help," said Ronnie as she took her place in the circle. 

"You too, 'nechan*? Great; I've stumbled into a demented 'This Is Your Life'." 

Then, a voice that filled John with a mixture of surprise and a twinge of guilt spoke. "John, we are your family. The X-men, in whatever form they are in, are a family. Families help their own." 

John took a deep breath. "Hello Professor. Jeez, Kat you sure didn't miss anyone, did you?" 

"No, John, I didn't. These are the people who care about you. None of us want to see you like this." 

From her shoulder came "Yah yah!" 

"Oh great, the dragon has spoken. Will you all leave me alone!? I'm a big boy now, and there is nothing wrong with me!" John yelled as he looked for a place to flee. 

"Mein freund, I feel somewhat responsible. I'm your legal guardian here...John, I'm sorry but you need help. Even I can smell the whiskey from here," Kurt said regretfully, stepping out of the shadow to block John's avenue of escape. 

"Fuck me. Will you all get off of my case? Ok, I had a drink or two. I can handle it," John said as he began to look for another escape route. 

"Funny, John, when I was having my own problems you were one of the first to try and help. If I remember correctly, I said much the same thing," Brian said. 

"Sorry Brian, that won't work. Like I said, I have it under control. Everything is fine. Jeez, a couple of drinks isn't going to kill me," John shot back. 

"I can't take it anymore!" cried the sweet voice of Megan. 

"What are you talking about Megan?" John asked, a bit subdued. 

She began to sniff, as if holding back tears. "Last week it was late and I couldn't sleep...so I went out for a breath of fresh air. I...saw you walking home. You were stumbling then you fell. I had never seen you loose your balance. I could feel your pain from far away...instead of coming home, you kept walking. I was worried, so I began to follow you. You went to the cliffs, and you yelled something I couldn't hear... Then you jumped. I only just managed to catch you..." With that, Megan broke into tears. 

"I...oh my God. I remember. It was the six month anniversary of..." John paused. 

"The real problem John, the death of your parents. I'm sorry, son, so sorry." Professor Xavier apologized mournfully. 

With no warning, John collapsed into a mass of sobs. The first person to him was Logan. 

"I'm sorry too John. It must have been hard to say good-bye to your parents alone. Especially after such a bad accident." 

"There was no accident. They were slaughtered by Sabertooth!" John snarled back. 

A hush of understanding crept into the room. 

The first sound to break the silence was the sound of Logan's claws. 

*Snikt* 

"Sabertooth..." 

"Uh guys, I think I'm gonna get some air...I really think I'm going to be sick," Veronica whispered as she headed for the door. 

"Mein Gott. John, why..." 

"Why didn't I tell you, Kurt? I don't know why. It was easier to deal with it when it was just an 'accident'," John replied blinking away the tears. 

The news began to sink into everone in the room. Logan moved away to a corner. Kitty, Kurt, Brian and Megan drew around John. Ororo and the Professor just watched. 

"It's my fault they're dead, isn't it? If I would have gotten home just a few hours sooner, I could have saved them," said John not bothering to hold back the tears anymore. 

"No John, it is not your fault. There was no way you could have known what was going to happen. Trust me, my young tiger, playing the 'what if' game will only bring heartache," replied Ororo as she joined the tight circle around John. 

"Come on, Ororo, admit it. I was always the extra one, the fifth wheel. The X-men never needed me! I would have been just as good to have stayed home." John said. 

"NO! John, you have been an important part of both the X-men and Excalibur. I can't imagine the past few years without you. You're my best friend. You and I have been through so much. I've lost so many people these last few years, Doug, Illyana, Rachel... If you left that would be too much. I love you, John. Just like I love Kurt, Meg, Brian, Logan, Ororo, and the rest. You guys are my family. You're sick, John. Who else besides your best friend would catch it? You need to admit it, though, or nothing that happened tonight will matter," Kitty said as she hugged John with all of her strength. 

At first John could not meet her eyes. He could hear her sobs. The salty sting of each tear hit his hands. Finally he looked into her eyes. 

"My name is John Smith. And I am an alcoholic." 

The Beginning 

O Alcohol, would you please forgive me? For while I cannot love myself I'll use something else. Would you please forgive me? Would you please forgive me? Barenaked Ladies: "Alcohol" 

*Very informal (very familial or intimate) Japanese for older sister. 


End file.
